Currently Listening Riot! By Paramore see related

Paramore is good actually

Hey...

so today was pretty great. i got a nap.

i finished this relationship conference...uh..

spent time with friends and studied bones

almost saw transformers...but we are goin some time sunday.

went to derek webb with Josh and Susie, starbucks bumped into some Tribal missions peeps uh and out to eat at that Barbequee buffalo wings.

uh..listened to Chris play guitar. Last nigth was cool i got to talk to ryan.. aand my bro.

I think me and tash need to Chill sometime just us...

o and this up coming week i need dto not exist to anyone but my books.... i have been kicked in the head that says STUDY!

I have next semester to slack off... Nursing matters most in first semester cuz i put my application in in a few months.. so i ahve to have good grades!

ahhhhhhhh

...+ it will be really good for me to focus in a bit more. so i see peeps for meals and thats ALL for thisi week...which is only 3 days for this next week.. so not that hard.

i hope i can do this.

God is pretty good... i had good worship today which made me happy and feeling real.

ok Love you cool kids

-Abby

Currently Listening Cities By Anberlin see related

...thoughts of Tomorrow

I wonder if going to an all girls school would change anything.

...i wonder if there is a way that i could talk that is not so accessive..

i wonder if i could just be happy.

I like the beginning of this Anberlin song -The Promise

im havin so many mixed thoughts. i want to be emptied out... as i'm just about to be poured out i hold back... i hate it...i hate the way i feel... i just want to cry...but forsome reason i can't. i don't care of this is winey i'm so confused...i hate my thoughts i hate my humaness i wish i could be so different....

i just care too much...i'm not ment for school...i want so much i hold back from myself. I HATE THIS. I don't want to be about me at all... i don't want to think about me needs or wants. i want to want nothing but God. I want the next level. i want to NOT care what others think of me. i don't want to feel so empty yet so full of the wrong things at the same time..

i want to learn things... Like how a computer really connects to other networks... that is so amazing how that works or how cell phones are able to connect to Cell towers... or how boats and barges can REALLY float, or how i can jump up but my feet go back to hitting the ground WHILE a several hundred or thousands of tons of an airplane can stay in the air...????? or why there is still Child sex slaves in India or how to love a child so much that they can be healed from being a Child soldier, abused and abandoned.

i want to go to a beach and stand in the place where state is seperated by state... i want to Go to NY and revamp my photography skills.

i want to love myself. i want to be so close to God that i can give everything to him and really mean it. i want to not care about a guy until he cares about me... i'm so sick of hurting myself by liking guys... i want someone to pursue me and honestly until that happens i wont date.... but then at the same time i pursue guys.. WHICH ISN"T WHAT I WANT but i do it... i hate my stupid decisions sometimes...but God totally takes care of that cuz those guys never notice me. which is a good thing cuz i know i can't date or like someone to the best of my ability in a mature girl...

the one time i was totally mature with a guy. he pursued me too much and totally took advantage of me...WHAT THE heck.

i...don't know...

i think i just need to study and really focus on my major right now...and not really care about anything else...Except God that is... but my thoughts are totally not on either of those things right now.

:(..

Goodnight fellow people

Today was pretty good. first time i have fallen asleep in English AND i had a dream in the alst 10 minutes of class haha.

My bro is great.

I don'tknow whats wrong with me but i guess everything is hitting thick. its been meshing in with me and now i just am having the last of this crap.

-Abby pubbledubble deluxiously

So i saw xanga on someones facebook

I saw Xanga on one of my friends facebooks...and remembered that i had one..

man have i not written in awhile... its all screwed up so that u see the lastest date first and stuff too...so i don't know if anyone will ever find this BUT.

uh quick up date:

I went to the Philippines. Did medical clinics all over. Worked with poor villages, orphanages, schools and churches. Went with a great team and had a great experience. I had lice for like 3months..almost. i learned what true worship was from Children..little children. I shared a bed with more than one amazing person. I am deffinatly not as clostraphobic anymore. I have realized nursing deffinatly is what i want to do and missions deffinatly.

Uh i got back from the Philippines went through alot of Culture stuff...kinda had a rough time with life back here..transitioning and stuff. I worked a CNA job and Starbucks from Feb-August full time. it was my life..and i was miserable. Though i learned alot i probably wont ever work at a nursing home again. Starbucks was great.

I ended the summer with a sorta bad experience that changed some of my drinking thoughts. I went on a missions trip to WV built a wheelchair ramp and some part of a porch for a couple who really couldn't get around without it. They were a blessing to meet.

I got a week and a 1/2 of a summer. and jumped into college.

I deffinatly am NOT in the place i want to be with God but i'm goin in that direction, i need to study more, but i have some amazing friends. Courtney and Tasha and the BOMB and so is Trey. and we have an amazing brother dorm...that have totally blown my mind with some of the things that they have said... i have learned alot from them. and i'm so glad ive met them. i dont know what not seeing people every day is gonna look like but Christmas break may be alittle wierd. heh.

Anyways I hope i'm getting back in the right direction. i totally need to focus on God. i sorta thought i might like a few peeps but i realized that it wouldn't really work so i'm kinda glad cuz there is no way i would be a good "girlfriend" to anyone and i'm rather pleased how God conveniently worked that out.. I need to focus on Him but i get so distracted.../ just want Him to do all the work. WHAT A COMPLAINER!

God is the only one that truely loves me always and will listen to me even when i'm boring or talk wierd...or need to vent...He is the author of life and love and should be enough for me. No ANYTHING can do that for me...why don't i accept this fully.. DUMBer!

Anyways I would love to here from all u xanga freaks...and how ur doin... i haven't talked to you peeps in awhile...aways...

Right now i'm in Gods yard but where i really want to be is in his Lap - something lilke Mr. Webb says..

-Abby